Auto Knife Laws Are Retarded.

          To me, the most absurd laws regarding weapons in the United States are the laws that control auto knives, A.K.A. switchblades. Those laws just piss me off because I can’t help but think that there was some sheltered, disconnected, control freak, know-nothing legislator who just ended up deciding one day that they needed to make it illegal to carry or own auto knives because they heard how “dangerous” they where from someone who was as equally as dumb and unobjective as they where.

            Currently, the only federal law that infringes upon knife ownership, and more specifically the commerce of said knives, is the Federal Switchblade Act. This dusty turd of an anti-freedom bill was passed in 1958, which, apparently, was back when the greasers were terrifying whole communities with their pointy little Italian stiletto switchblades. Or at least that’s what I would think would spur the need for federal switchblade control. As far as I understand it, the Federal Switchblade Act makes it illegal for entities to sell auto knives to individuals across state lines, but I’m no lawyer and laws aren’t written in plain English. Plus, the government “educational” system doesn’t attempt to inform students about law, so I won’t say with certainty what this bill truly means. All I know is that businesses won’t let me buy auto knives on their website if said business isn’t located in my state.

            Keep in mind that the vast majority of auto knives laws exist at the state level. Check out this link to see what unconstitutional laws your state has enacted regarding auto knives. My state has made it a class D felony to conceal carry auto knives. My State has also made it illegal to conceal carry balisongs, daggers (double edged knives), disguised knives, and knives with blades greater than 5″. Open carry is legal with all aforementioned knife types, for whatever reason. In order to legally carry one of those knives I would have to obtain a concealed carry permit which cost $50 and takes a week to get. I know other states have it worse. In fact, other countries have it like five times worth but that is no reason to accept these infringements. These laws are pretty arbitrary and irrational, just like the politicians who passed them. Here are the reason why I think these auto knife laws are so nonsensical and why they shouldn’t have ever existed.

•Knife laws are unconstitutional – They infringe on a man’s right to keep and bear arms. The 2nd Amendment of the U.S. Constitution acknowledges the natural right of man to be armed and declares that the government cannot infringe on that right. For your information, infringe means to exceed the limits of something. In this case, it means that the government transgresses into the right of man to bear arms.

•These laws get in the way – Folding knives, in general, are excellent tools for doing work but auto knives would make for even better tools. Specifically, those out-the-front auto knives. You just slide a button and the blade deploy or retracts. They require little concentration or dexterity compared to manual or assisted folding knives. I would love to carry one at work!

•Fixed blades are faster  – I imagine that some people would then mention rapid deployment as a reason to ban auto knives. To this I say that fixed blades knives are even faster. They require one step to deploy: pull out knife from wherever you have it. Plus, they are way more readily available and have larger blades. Basically, every kitchen has at least 6 fixed blade knives. The only reason I don’t carry a fixed blade is because I prefer the compact size of a folding knife. To this you might respond, “Well, auto knives are fast and concealable.”. And I’d reply by saying all knives are “concealable enough” for those with evil intent. In fact, if you study crime you will see that in the crimes where knives are used, a massive percentage are done with kitchen knives. This is probably due to those knives being more intimidating and lethal.

•Evil will prevail – People with determined, evil intent are going to find a way to commit their crimes and stupid little prohibitions on specific knife types aren’t going to stop them. Someone who wants to hurt someone they hate isn’t going to say, “Well, gosh. I can’t take my auto knife with me to stab that lying, cheating bitch because Article 6, Subsection 2.7 of U.S. Code prohibits the carrying of auto knives! Guess I’m not going to teach her lesson despite having many other alternatives like a kitchen full of knives and open access to all those run-of-the-mill folding knives from Wal-Mart or wherever. Not to mention, I have plenty of improvised blunt force weapons like hammers or bats, or even just there own hands. Welp, that’s kind of a bummer for me…”. Adding more laws as a method to stop heinous crimes will not keep these heinous crimes from happening.

•Weapons aren’t immoral – For whatever reason, some people see weapon ownership as some sort of evil action (except when it’s the government with the weapons). This idea is derived solely from an emotional response to objects that make them uncomfortable. Merely possessing an item is no sin at all. The only thing that matters is what you intend to do with it. Furthermore, ownership doesn’t determine intent of future action. Don’t ever let these sentimentalist bully you away from owning what you want.

•Guns, guns everywhere – The United States is a society awash with firearms so one must think that if we need to ban or strictly control auto knives because they are too dangerous, then surely guns should be removed from the citizenry and melted down for scrap metal. Seriously, if you see knives as unfit for civilian use then you must call for the complete banning of all firearms.

•Mainstream Media is Fake News – 1950’s fake news helped convince the population that they needed laws against auto knives. Fake news propagator, Jack Harrison Pollack wrote an article in the November 1950 addition of Women’s Home Companion that, and I quote, “[A switchblade’s] chief purpose – as any crook can tell you – is for committing violence.”. This control freak statist was also a former aide to a Democratic Senator. No surprise he was a Democrat.

          So, what do you think? Do you like what I have to say? Did you find my article persuasive or do see some issues with the points that I have made. Feel free to post any comments, questions, or criticisms in the comment section below. I will try to answer any questions as soon as I can. Thank you for reading.